


The Undecided Self

by JoyfullyDreadful



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Dark Will Graham, Disjointed, Feelings Realization, Fragmented Mind, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Serial Killer Will Graham, Unstable Will Graham, Violent Thoughts, an undtable sense of self, disjointed thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25776883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyfullyDreadful/pseuds/JoyfullyDreadful
Summary: He watches as Will--both Himself and yet somehow not--takes a life. He watches Will use his hands, watches him wrap them around Randalls neck. He watches as Will squeezes, hard enough to hurt but not enough to kill. Will wants to savor this moment, savor the satisfaction that comes with a kill. Will wants to remember the image he constructs in his mind, the image of Hannibal beneath his hands.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Kudos: 16





	The Undecided Self

He watches himself from a third person point of view. In that moment He is Himself and yet He isn't. He is a puppet with a mind of it's own and the being He watches is the puppet master, unable to control Him.

He watches as Will--both Himself and yet somehow not--takes a life. He watches Will use his hands, watches him wrap them around Randalls neck. He watches as Will squeezes, hard enough to hurt but not enough to kill. Will wants to savor this moment, savor the satisfaction that comes with a kill. Will wants to remember the image he constructs in his mind, the image of Hannibal beneath his hands.

He's used to the sight of a body beneath Will's hands. He's surprised, quite frankly, at the length between this kill and the last. He knows how much Will loves the feeling of a life beneath his hands, loves the feeling of control that comes with it. He knows how much Will enjoys playing God.

He's missed the sight of Will taking life, is He's being honest with Himself. He is most Himself when Will plays God. He doesn't know who He truly is. He thinks of Himself as a fragment, a disjointed memory of a past self, a self who doesn't know who to be. A past self who was still figuring things out, still figuring out who to be-- The Hunter or The Prey. He is the memory of the undecided self, while Will is the decided self; the self who chose to be neither the hunter nor the prey. Will is the self who chose to be something more--something better.

He watches as Will relishes in the last inklings of life as they fade from Randall's eyes. He watches Will breathe in slowly, replaying every detail of the two killings in his mind--both the imaginary killing of Hannibal and the real killing of Randall Tier. He watches Will smile at the body beneath him, his latest adventure in playing God.

He watches as Will pokes and prods at the body, trying to decide what to do with it. He knows Will wants to display his work, as he takes great pride in it. But He also knows that Will won't display his art quite yet. He knows because no matter how disjointed, He is still a version of Will. No, the display will have to wait.

He watches a gleam appear in Will's eyes, and He prepares Himself for what is coming.

Suddenly, He's looking does at the body not from entirely above, but through the eyes of Will. He knows that this means Will has put on his people suit again, and He can feel himself becoming more Will and less Him the longer it stays on. He also know's for whom Will has applied the suit. The only man who Will cares much to impress.

Hannibal Lecter.

He watches through Will's eyes as he throws the body first into his van, and then onto Hannibal's dining room table. He listens through Will's ears as the two talk, watches through his eyes as Hannibal wraps his hands. He feels something shift within Will--another certainty, this time about Hannibal. An urge to be with him, to love. To run if the need arises.

He feels himself become even more disjointed, the eternally undecided self separating even more from the now even more decided self. With every certainty, every sure decision Will makes He separates further. He knows that as time continues, the next time Will removes his people suit, He will be even less Will and even more Himself.

He's thrown again into a third person point of view and He watches as the mutilation of Randall Tier begins. He feels excited for Will when this step begins. He knows this is Will's favorite part; it's when he gets to display his creative side. It's when he gets to use his favorite medium.

He watches Will and Hannibal work together, their actions forming a beautiful symphony. Their soft breathing mixed with the sounds of gore creates a comforting melody. They display Randall in a way He knows Will loves. To Will, the world is his canvas, and the body is the brush and the paint with which he covers the canvas. He knows Will loves to get his hands dirty, and the mutilation of Randall allowed for just that.

He watches the two step back and admire their work. He watches the truly genuine smiles they give eachother and he feels another shift within Will, this time of trust. He feels Himself slip farther yet again. Will still keeps a piece of his people suit on, still wanting to appear an amateur. He knows Will doesn't want Hannibal to know of his past exploits yet. However, Will allows for the genuine joy, the lust he gets from a kill, from a display, to show through.

He's glad Will is allowing his mask to slip, even if only a little. He's glad because it means He will get to be Him more often. It means He won't have to be Will as often.

For now, however, He remains the undecided self, dormant within a people suit, awaiting the day when He will only have to be Him, and never have to be Will.

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking of turning the concept behind this, the fragmented will, into a multi chapter fic but idk. Thoughts ?  
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated !! They make my day !!  
> You can find also find me on [tumblr](https://joyfullydreadful.tumblr.com/)


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